Well, it is official. Madison moved out of our home this week. This may be a shocker to some of you, and it was a shocker to me as well when I heard her idea for the first time. She was welcome to stay in our home as long as she wanted, but she wanted to make the choice to move out and live on her own.
I have always been one of those moms who did not like to mix the colors of the Playdough together. The red Playdough should never get mixed in with the green. Do you know what I am saying to you? Those that know me well can totally see that I am that kind of person I am sure. However, if each emotion I felt this week were a certain Playdough color, my emotions would be a big mixed-up ball of rainbow Playdough!
I have run through excitement for her, sadness, tears, hurt, fear, doubt and back full circle again to excitement. The first night she slept in her apartment, I was up for at least 3 hours of that night. I stared at the ceiling. I got up around 3 am to eat a snack, because I had been up so long I had gotten hungry. I tossed. I turned. My mind would not turn off! I prayed. I worried. I shed a few hot tears.
I am one of those moms who will stay up until all of my kids are home. Having two teenagers in my home, sometimes that can be kind of late, but I know I will not be able to sleep well unless I have “all of my chicks in the nest” as I like to say. How many times has one of my kids come in the door, and I will then say, “Now, all of my chicks are in the nest.” I will then proceed to lock the doors, set the alarm and go to bed.
That night all of my chicks were not in the nest nor would they most likely ever be again. The questions would not turn off. Had I done enough? Could she afford to live out on her own? Does she have a good lock on her door? What if something happened to her? Did I truly trust God more than my fears? My baby girl was out on her own, and I can say that most of what I felt was fear for her. I have spent all of my life as a mother protecting my kids from what I thought or knew could hurt them, and now I had no control. She was truly in God’s hands now.
When I woke up in the morning, I was truly exhausted and decided to look at Facebook while I tried to pry my eyes open. What did I see on there but words of encouragement from my sweet friend, Melissa, who wrote the following words to me.